The goof-proof microwave cookbook

RYAN REYNOLDS

May 29, 2008 at 3:43PM AKST

Editor’s note: Walk inside the Seward Community Library and everything looks as a library should.
But beware! Lurking inside the shelves, hidden behind ordinary-looking book jackets, are weird books.
Books on such subjects as knife throwing and how to train your dog without shooting it first.
Library worker Ryan Reynold has taken it upon himself to flush these books out, dust them off and bring them to the public’s attention. Each week he bravely dons his cardigan sweater and ventures into the stacks.
He does this not for the glory but for the satisfaction of knowing that somewhere, someplace is a reader as odd as the book.
Each week we will publish Reynold’s weird find in The Log.
Perhaps this will motivate one of our very own Log readers to write a weird book of their own.
One can only hope.

There’s a buzzing in my ears, a light in my eyes.

My forehead is beginning to tingle with a strange sensation as I watch, with head pressed against glass, as my dinner dances slowly, circling around, rising and falling as jets of steam issue forth with a symphonic simplicity that warms my heart.

My stomach becomes impatient, reminding me of my purpose as the heady aroma of “Cauliflower Surprise” wafts through the vent. I step back to watch the clock tick, four ... three ... two ... one.

I am microwaving my dinner.

Now before you scoff at my culinary antics, let me remind you that this is no Hungry Man we’re nukin’ here.

Think you could resist “Scallops and Mushrooms in Wine Sauce” or “Crown Roast of Pork with Rice and Sausage Stuffing?”

A far cry from a Velveeta Spam Delight now isn’t it? Though maybe with a little cholula on a fresh toasted waffle? (Where do you live? I’m comin’ over for breakfast.)

But putting the Alabama “Honey, not those pajamas!” food aside, there are some recipes in the book I have for you today that would leave even Emeril speechless. But don’t take my word for it. We’re talking the straight gospel from Margie “The Microwhiz” Kreschollek here.

Couple that with a certified “goof-proof” game plan and I’d say life’s a jar of peach micro-jam. (Honest. Page 237, check it out. )

Suddenly, love is in the air.

So if you’ve been wanting to invite that special someone over for dinner but your “Kiss the Chef” apron has been collecting dust for some time now, I think you know what to do. Three minutes at Power 7, stirring halfway through, wait for the magic bell, cool, garnish and serve.

And please, don’t forget the flowers.

Ryan Reynolds can be found at the library smelling old books and sometimes wearing argyle socks. He can be reached at 224-4082 or rreynolds@cityofseward.net.