‘The Family Foot Care Book’ holds practical tips for the unshod

RYAN REYNOLDS

July 03, 2008 at 1:49PM AKST

This week’s Weird Book is dedicated to all of those that love freedom. If you were just inspired to stand up and say the Pledge of Allegiance by all means do so, but before we start singing “America the Beautiful” in three-part harmony, I should tell you that we’re talking about a different kind of freedom today.

As some of you may have noticed, our little town has become inundated lately with interesting people from all walks of life. We have quite the global community these days, and I’m thankful for the youthful vigor and enthusiasm brought by so many.

But whether they hail from Russia or Roanoke, Va., there exists, here among us, a group that has taken their love of freedom to a new high. They are breaking barriers, burning socks, and toeing the line to victory one bunion at a time.

So say goodbye to freedom fries because there’s a new American hero in town:

Freedom Feet.

Now I know this might run contrary to public opinion, but not all who travel naked below the ankles are wild, liberal, tofu-chomping hippies. And even those that are, are still entitled to wave ol’ Betsy with the best of them.

I have lived among the midst of these kind people. I have seen more toes than there are stars in the sky. And if I know one thing to be true, it’s that these loyal patriots of podiatry could benefit from a chapter or two from “The Family Foot Care Book.”

I don’t know about you, but when I think of the word family, foot care is never far from my mind. When you have the whole gang gathered around the dinner table each evening, chowing away, fielding questions about the day, the closest parts of your body may be your feet.

Doesn’t it make sense then to make sure that you and those you love have happy and healthy ones. No one wants a neglected pair of tired old dogs to ruin a pleasant evening.

Not like the Thanksgiving of ’88. Without going into too many details, let’s just say that my cousin Pete still bears the scar of Grandpa’s hangnail. It was a mean one.

So this Fourth of July, why not gather the whole family together for a Freedom Feet parade down Fourth Avenue? When I think of all that flag waving with bare ankles, why it’s enough to make old George Washington himself blush three shades of crimson. My goodness, what a country!

But make sure you stop on by the library and catch up on a few foot-care tips before your big day. We wouldn’t want to scare any little kids now would we?

Ryan Reynolds can be found at the Library smelling old books and sometimes wearing argyle socks. He can be reached at 224-4082 or rreynolds@cityofseward.net.